There are sometimes limits. Most kids, within the roughly 45% of the world's population who celebrate it, like Christmas. It's just the video box cover art for 1954's White Christmas was always too much. Amidst the familiar titles (Scrooged, National Lampoon's, et al.) was this image of white men and women smiling in Santa robes in what appeared to be an entire film version of a yellowing Sears Wishbook Catalogue. It was not unlike those horror titles kids put back on store shelves after looking at the screenshots on the back, thinking "If I watched this, I would probably die." Christmas is great, but who wanted to lay on the syrup this thick?
It turns out there are about five minutes of Christmas-related material in this movie, with the performance of the title song taking up the final three.
White Christmas begins in an unspecified part of Europe where inhabitants speak in an unspecified accent, and American WWII troops are celebrating the holiday by watching a song-and-dance number by Bob (Bing Crosby) and Phil (Danny Kaye). Following a stint on Broadway, they take their show on the road, so to speak, traveling to a Vermont hotel owned by their beloved, recently discharged General Waverly (Dean Jagger). The movie is populated by the songs of Irving Berlin, most of which are older numbers, so it wouldn't be wrong to say White Christmas is the progenitor of Rock of Ages and Mamma Mia!.
The whole thing plays out in an "established comedy bits interspersed with musical numbers" revue style that lasted from Marx Brothers films through to Saturday Night Live. It's visually colourful. The opening Paramount logo boasts that it's shot in VistaVision, and in the pre-Wikipedia age one must have just had to assume that meant something. It's also so tame, it never reaches true spontaneity or joy.
Traveling with the singing sister duo of Betty (Rosemary Clooney) and Judy (Vera-Ellen), there's pressure on the four to pair up and get hitched. Because this is a Christmas movie of toasty fireplaces, dances and serenades, rather than Santa Clauses and spiritual reckoning, the comedy revolves around the nervousness and misunderstandings of courtship. But it lacks sex appeal, even of the 1950s variety. The funniest bit occurs as Judy tries to force an engagement with Phil, which will inspire Betty to marry Bob. In this universe, if you're a girl who wants to marry a guy, simply find someone and tell him he's now your fiance.
Hetero-marriage in White Christmas is the most important thing in life besides militarism. Together they form the true meaning of Christmas. It's of note that Bob and Phil are trying to put on a show to save their army friend's hotel business, which is very kind, but is that the best this movie could come up with? It's the holiday. Cure an illness. Feed the poor. The damn Blues Brothers made it a mission to save an orphanage.
Several musical numbers, such as a minstrel routine, cognizant enough to avoid blackface, have a cinematic grandeur of prime colours and choreography under the eye of Michael Curtiz (Casablanca, The Adventures of Robin Hood). Others, such as the original number "What Can You Do With a General?" showcase Bing Crosby singing a dead tune while standing still against a wall.
There's an audience who grew up with this film, or still shares many of its values, and that's fine. In its own heart, it's a harmless romp. It's just when there's a cheerful number about how the army is more pleasant than civilian life because there are free meals and provided uniforms that I can only pat this thing on the head and wish it luck.
White Christmas and The Meaning of Christmas
Berlin's "White Christmas" is the best selling single of all-time, beating even Elton John's "Candle in the Wind" and T-Baby's "It's So Cold in the D". But it was actually written for an earlier Bing Crosby Christmas film, 1942's Holiday Inn. That makes some sense. White Christmas, the movie, is after all about latching on to traditions, observing the season by connecting to the good old things in life. Now get a husband and go to war!
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